After A Break Up: How To Even The Score

Did I get your attention? I’ll bet I did. However, this article is not about revenge. It could just as easily be about reconciliation. It might be helpful to know these methods can accomplish both. Confused? Let me explain.

Right now, after a painful break up, everything you do for yourself to improve your situation is a step toward wholeness. Wholeness will inevitably attract the right partner to you, make you irresistible to your ex or facilitate the right frame of mind for moving in any direction you choose. Wholeness is the ticket to your best future. So, how do you get there from here?

After a break up, you’re likely devastated, shaken up and overwhelmed with questions and anxiety about what to do next. I’ll bet you’re wondering what you can do right now to feel better, get a grip on your emotions and take care of your daily responsibilities. Break ups can be so painful, many find it hard to function. Shocked by the experience, we find the simplest daily activities becoming ridiculously difficult. So, the first step in damage control is focus. Focus on yourself. You have to eat, sleep, get to work on time and perform your responsibilities. The consequences of failure in any of these areas will only make things worse. Imagine adding illness or unemployment to the trauma of coping with a recent break up. It’s simply too much. So for now, focus. Focus on yourself.

 What do you need immediately? Is it a meal, a nap, a trip to the gym or a long-distance phone call to your best friend? Try to live in the present moment. Don’t obsess about tomorrow, next month or next year. Be selfish right now. After a break up, your world might appear to shrink and that’s okay. It’s time to listen to your own voice. Right now, it’s the only one that matters. Seek out activities that provide comfort. Try to eliminate everything that brings you down.

 While we’re discussing things that bring you down, it’s extremely important to limit or eliminate contact with your ex. If there are children involved or you’re sharing custody, do your best to limit contact. If there are no joint responsibilities, break all ties. Change your number if you have to. One conversation before you’re ready and you could be sent back to day one of your recovery. This is time for you. Work on building yourself up. Communicating with your ex will just delay or worsen your chances for progress. Even if you might think you want your ex back, the advice is the same. Stay away. Take care of yourself and your immediate needs. You’ll become a thousand times more attractive when you’re unavailable and uninterested in communicating. It’s ridiculous, but it’s human nature.

 When you feel functional and past the shock phase, reach out to your friends. Go to the movies, take a weekend vacation or explore a new hobby. In other words, get outside yourself and your everyday surroundings. Have some fun. Take a class, join a new gym or volunteer at the local animal shelter. The new things you discover today could turn into rewarding, lifetime passions.

 After you’ve balanced your inner and outer worlds a bit, work on autonomy. Ask yourself how you could be more secure. Take a look at all the areas of you life. Do you feel secure on a personal, professional and financial level? Most of us would be amazed to find out how many bad choices we make due to feelings of inadequacy in one or many of these areas. Greater security brings confidence. That confidence shows and makes us more attractive to future relationship prospects.

Finally, if you remain committed to wholeness, your going to find yourself in this process. Every bad day you overcome changes you for the better. Surviving and thriving after a break up forces you to reinvent yourself. You find strength you didn’t know you had. You gain insight into your deepest needs and desires for a happy, rewarding life. Break ups change us. However, the lessons we learn can be the greatest gifts we can imagine.

After a break up, we might think about revenge or trying to even the score. After surviving, we realize stacking the cards in our favor makes far better sense.

More Information: After a Break Up

If you'd like to read more about what to expect and how to survive after a break up, visit: After A Break Up

If you'd like to learn new, proven methods for getting back with your ex, visit: Ex Back

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Getting Over A Break Up: A Two-Step Process

After A Break Up: What To Expect & How To Survive